Be Your Self
Contemplating how much of my Self I’ve been hiding, and how much harm it has done.
And all I can say from personal experience is:
You may as well be yourself, because people will have an opinion about you anyway.
Kisses, Kiki Toao
SMURF OF DEATH
Working on Wildstyle Wear!
Soon for sale in our Shamaniac Shop on this website and as part of our record label Shamaniac Records merchandise.
FEAR
People often times regard me as a fearless person.
And though I appreciate the fact it is their way of showing their respect for how I go about life, I can say with absolute certainty this an overestimation of my personality.
I know Fear.
I’ve experienced it many times and in fact, I choose to embrace it instead of blocking it out.
When Fear speaks, I listen.
I invite it in so we can have a decent chat about what’s going on, and this way it has proven itself to be a powerful ally.
By Kiki Toao
Blissed Out By The Light of our Miraculous Existence
What
I experience to be lying in front of me, as a future calling, is
something I don’t even believe myself.
This calling, it has
grabbed a hold of me, captivated me in suspension and anticipation of
what is about to happen in, hopefully, the near future.
I
am tired, very tired.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of fake
promises.
Tired of lies and deceit.
Or at least, this is what
it has seemed to be so far: one big trap of betrayal and deceit.
I
have been given a very big fucking reason to mistrust everything and
everyone I have experienced and communicated with spiritually so
far.
My mind is desperately struggling to separate the wheat from
the chaff, to distinguish truth and reality from make belief and
wishful thinking.
I
have given up going against it.
“I surrender! I SURRENDER,
ALRiGHT?!”, is one of my most important prayers at the moment.
I am doing the best I can to accept this possible future happenstance as a real possibility (and opportunity) and take every single bit of responsibility for it.
I
am very fortunate and ultimately blessed with a few, but very
trustworthy, loving friends and family members.
People who have
faith and confidence in me, no matter what I decide to do.
People
who have faith and confidence in my capabilities and
distinctiveness.
People who admire me for my courage and my
realization and acceptance of the necessity of taking risks, and
taught me to do the very same: have faith and confidence in myself.
And
boy…
Boy-oh-boy, I need lots of that.
It is my dutiful task as a shaman to take responsibility for what is being presented to me; something I know to be going beyond my willpower, beyond our oh-so-beloved Western concept of freedom of choice.
For years have I been working on these visions, visions being imposed on me during shamanic initiation years ago. Visions I thought at the time to be purely random, chaotic, sprouting from my imagination and, most of all, not making any sense.
Now,
imagine yourself in a situation where you, as a skeptical, rational
reasoning human being, are observing such visions to become reality
one by one, almost as if you are watching some Powerpoint
presentation during a meeting in the office, ticking off every bullet
point from your checklist.
All of them, apart from two.
“Hmmm”, you’re wondering mindfully, “is this just me, or…?”
Hmmm,
indeed.
What conclusions to draw from this presentation?
No one
knows for sure.
Tick tock, says the clock.
And I’m just
wondering, and wondering and contemplating and…
Pfff!
You know what?
Welcome to Shamanism.
Over & Out,
From: ‘Tobacco – Curse & Blessing of a Shamaness’
By Kiki Toao
Woman of Fetish
“I am a woman of many fetishes”, she spoke, “it takes an artist to please me.
I will, however, not submit to the artist’s impression of who I’m supposed to be.
I am myself, and my Self alone”.
By Kiki Toao
KIKI TOAO & ROMBOUT – LE CABARET SHAMANIAQUE
Just released on SHAMANIAC RECORDS:
Italo disco house track ‘Le Cabaret Shamaniaque’ by Kiki Toao & Rombout, with a banger of a fetish remix by Black Leather Death Squad.
ARCHAISM
Archaism. The Sacred.
Sometimes I need to make myself a little bit bigger than I actually am, in order to maintain my health, balance and self preservation on this satanic wormhole ride called Shamanism.
Techno is Medicine to me, and soon I will be releasing my solo productions.
A woman needs to do something in order to hold her head up and heart intact.
‘Walk tall, Kiki, walk tall!’, my spirits implore me.
Smurf Galore!
Whoa yeh.
Love & kisses from Kiki.
TWIN SPIRIT
When I close my eyes
I hear more and more
Peeling layers of sound
A tiny breeze through my eyelashes
“Not too long”,
my twin spirit said
Claiming my future husband to be