I guess I would call this self portrait Reconciliation.
The process I’m going through is all about self acceptation; accepting the choices I’ve been making, accepting the course I set out for myself.

This is no time for hiding for me anymore;
I am making choices for the rest of my life.
I’m very aware of that.

I am deliberately choosing to portray myself in this picture in all comfortable ugliness
in the very late nocturnal hours in my studio.

I think I already skipped a night of sleep in here.
That’s how committed I am to my work.
Maybe not so good for my health, but so be it.

Yes. I still smoke.
It’s one of my great sins.
I find it terribly difficult to quit.

When I’m rolling a cigarette may be one of the rare moments I sit still to take a well deserved break;
a break to contemplate how to come to peace with what it takes to do my job as I do, and how to continue.

Wishing you all a wonderful and blessed day.
Love, KiKi TOAO